Conquering our Demons

Conquering our Demons

Conquering our Demons - When you will go out to war on your enemies!

We have many kinds of enemies and some of them live right inside ourselves! That's right, ever heard of the saying, you are your own worst enemy or self sabotage, well most of us are guilty of this, some more than others but Michael Drayton quotes Sigmund Freud speaking about the self saboteur, that part inside us that is scared and wants to stop us from taking those steps towards our goals because we are entering the unknown so it tries to hold us back or for other self preservation fears. 

Comes along the Torah in this weeks portion of Ki Tzetze to say that one must go out against their enemies, it's not a question of if but when. When you will go out against your enemies. 

One way I have found that can really help is by having a coaching buddie. We set up this program for Chabad Rabbis across the globe called Knei Lecha Chaver. Words from the Mishneh written some 2000 years ago that says acquire for yourself a friend. Find a friend who you can work with and create a process where you take turns coaching each other. 

Ultimately, coaching is about asking questions and helping the coachee hear the question and articulate their answers. As they are formulating their response their mind is creating the solution to their very own problem but sometimes it takes someone else asking the question for the response to be expressed instead of staying as untapped potential in the problem seeker's own brain. 

It's crazy how this works but it does and the proof is, if you have a problem that you find hard to answer but then your friend comes and tells you of the exact same problem in their life, you will most likely come up with a solution because your brain goes into problem solving mode instead of self pity or despair mode which is why it's so important to stay positive and optimistic so changing into that mindset of problem solving is much easier when in a positive mood. Jordan Peterson in his 12 rules for life says look after yourself like you were looking after someone else. Perhaps this is the reason why. We seem to have all the answers for everyone else except ourselves because we are already telling ourselves that these solutions won't work in our particular circumstances because of xyz.. For someone else our self saboteur is not as triggered though it can come up then as well.

So try it. Find someone to pair up with and try it out. In week one, you be the coach and they become the coachee, you do the question asking and they give the answers and the following week you reverse the rolls and you become the coachee and they the coach. This way you provide each other with value and you are both invested in each other.

The trick is to be curious and consistent and not let the saboteur stop your momentum.

Also, be respectful and confidential - agree between yourselves that whatever is shared between you stays between you. 

Best of luck and let me know how it goes.

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About the author:

Elimelech Levy is a Rabbi and Coach in Sydney Australia where he runs Chabad Youth NSW, an organisation that's focused on Providing Jewish enrichment that's educational, fun, social ​& affordable. Elimelech received his MBA from Macquarie University in 2021 then chose to use his studies and experience to become a Results Coach and member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF)  helping people take control of their lives through establishing goals and working towards them. In 2023, Elimelech established the Knei Lecha Chover program focused on matching Rabbis around the world and providing foundational tools for them to coach each other regularly avoiding significant fees needed for professional coaching sessions.

Elimelech can be reached via his website elilevy.com.au  

Achieving Results

Shoftim - 6 September 2024

Achieving Results

A key to achieving results is to have a system to work within. In Parshas Shoftim, the Torah speaks about having Judges and police / enforcers to maintain justice. It's not enough to just come up with a good plan for life, you need to have a system of how to enforce the plan you have set to achieve those goals 

We speak about setting SMART Goals* - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound If you want to be able to reach your goals, you need to be serious about them. 

1. Make your goal very specific. Sometimes we know we need to grow so we commit to a vague goal of growth without specifying what that growth will look like. We need to be more specific so we can know when we are getting close to achieving the goal otherwise the goal post can move depending on your mood and interpretation at the time.

2. How will you know if you have achieved your goal? In addition to specifying what the goal is, we need to ensure that it can be measured in some form. ie . I will lose 3 kg of weight 

3. We need to ensure that our goals are achievable and not too far off from reality that we can never get there. Of course they should be ambitious but at the same time they need to be something you can do and have access to the resources to do it and once you reach that goal or come close to it, you can redefine the goal to increase your growth level.

4. It's also important that the goals we choose are relevant to our value system and will mean something to us once we achieve them. How will I feel or be different if I achieve my goals? What difference will it make in my life and for those around me?

5. We must also place a time frame into the aquasion. If we don't have some level of urgency, it could never happen. One must set a time line ie. Over the next 3 months I will lose 3kg of fat by bringing down my calories to 1800 per day and going to the gym 3 times a week.

In addition, having someone else help you reach your goals is also very helpful. It can be with a coach or a coaching buddy. A partner who can help hold you accountable to your goals, your own personal policeman/women who can help you to maintain your justice.

Best of luck with setting your next goals.

In the next post we can talk about a coaching buddy system that can help to keep you more accountable and bring more purpose into our lives by helping others and ourselves 

Stay tuned and good luck!

About the author:

Elimelech Levy is a Rabbi and Coach in Sydney Australia where he runs Chabad Youth NSW, an organisation that's focused on Providing Jewish enrichment that's educational, fun, social ​& affordable. Elimelech received his MBA from Macquarie University in 2021 then chose to use his studies and experience to become a Results Coach and member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF)  helping people take control of their lives through establishing goals and working towards them. In 2023, Elimelech established the Knei Lecha Chover program focused on matching Rabbis around the world and providing foundational tools for them to coach each other regularly avoiding significant fees needed for professional coaching sessions.

Elimelech can be reached via his website elilevy.com.au 

*https://www.mindtools.com/a4wo118/smart-goals

Virtual City of Refuge

B”H

In this week's Torah portion, Vaetchanan we read how Moses allocates three cities on the eastern side of the Jordan River as cities of refuge or in Hebrew: Arei Miklat - for people who killed someone inadvertently. There is an allowance for a goal haddam, a blood avenger - a relative of the person killed by mistake - to find and kill the killer so long as they are not in the city of refuge. Once in the Ir Miklat, no one is allowed to kill them. They stay in this city until the high priest of the time passes away and then they are free to go back home without the fear of being avenged.

Isn't it interesting how Moses chooses to allocate these cities here and now, soon after arriving in the region and conquering the land. How can this relate to us here and now?

Perhaps the concept of a city of refuge can be a safe zone, a practical concept that can be applied in various dimensions. In physical space. A safe zone where no one is permitted to harm you. Perhaps even further one could have their own safe space. When I was a student living at the Rabbinical college, I recall my bed as being my space. Although one has access to a variety of locations around the school, where is your place, a place that you can go to when you need some time, I had my bed. Some people have their office, their man cave or a couch where they go to think, to be, to move away from the rest of the world. And at times this is a valuable asset to have, to know that I have a space where I can go when everything else isn't going how I’d like or when I need a break or just to rejuvenate. A physical place can be an Ir Miklat, a space of Refuge.

Another dimension of Ir Miklat can be a space where people can communicate in a safe zone. The Talmud tells us (in Avot - Ethics of our fathers) Knei Lecha Chover - acquire for yourself a friend, having a person or a group of people who you can speak with freely, to share your thoughts without the worry of being judged or taken advantage of is a very real opportunity to help you move forward. The legendary Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, found that victims often recover from trauma through emotional disclosure–by putting their thoughts and feelings into a form that others can understand. Freud recognized the remarkable relief that his patients gained by revealing personally painful past experiences, which he referred to as “the talking cure” and this can be achieved through a virtual Ir Miklat

What's interesting is that as soon as Moses can dedicate these refuge cities, he does so, as Rashi in his commentary states, Moses felt, if I have the opportunity to fulfil this commandment then I will do it straight away. Taking this idea further May include an injunction: before one enters into a new situation, it is important, perhaps even incumbent on us to ensure that we have opportunities to create a space where we can have refuge from the pressures of life, where one can communicate, articulate and formulate their thoughts, so that this Ir Miklat will help them to recover from the potential trauma and move closer towards one's goals.

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About the author:

Elimelech Levy is a Rabbi and Coach in Sydney Australia where he runs Chabad Youth NSW, an organisation that's focused on Providing Jewish enrichment that's educational, fun, social ​& affordable. Elimelech received his MBA from Macquarie University in 2021 then chose to use his studies and experience to become a Results Coach and member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF)  helping people take control of their lives through establishing goals and working towards them. In 2023, Elimelech established the Knei Lecha Chover program focused on matching Rabbis around the world and providing foundational tools for them to coach each other regularly avoiding significant fees needed for professional coaching sessions.

Elimelech can be reached via his website elilevy.com.au 

1. https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/talking-cure#:~:text=Victims%20often%20recover%20from%20trauma,talking%20cure%E2%80%9D%20%5B9%5D.